Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Marriage

I copied this for everyone searching ” How can I be happy in my marriage” “How to find happiness in my marriage” etc etc

SOLA AND I DO NOT SEEK HAPPINESS IN OUR MARRIAGE

I bet this title caught your attention. Well, I didn’t choose it because I wanted you to read this post, I chose it because I want to pass a message across; salient points that a lot of people are missing. Almost everyone seems to be in pursuit of happiness these days, but I have a question; is that all there is to pursue in life and relationships?

Many people seek “happily ever after” in their relationships, so they have this expectation that their marriage or their spouse will make them happy. I’m sorry fellas, but marriage in itself will not make you happy. Neither will your spouse. There is however, a level of happiness you can attain that marriage or your spouse do not have capacity to make happen for you.

Let me ask you a question. What does happiness mean to you? By the time we start analysing what happiness truly means, you may discover that you have the wrong idea of the true meaning of happiness. Do also bear in mind that we all have different definitions to it because we all have different desires and views of what we think will make us happy.

But I believe that the “happily ever after” goal should be a consequence or by-product, and not the main focus of being in a relationship. When you ask people why they want to date or marry someone, you’ll often hear phrases like, “because he or she makes me happy”, “all I want is to be happy”, “happiness is all I seek in a relationship”.

Happiness is not a permanent feeling. It is largely dependent on external factors; things that may not be within your control. So why make it your ultimate relationship/marriage goal? In fact, within marriage you will have many troubles. Ha! I can sense someone saying “God forbid.” But that’s the truth. Challenges will come your way, unpalatable experiences will occur, your spouse (your supposed source of happiness) will offend you so many times and there’ll be many other incidents that will be unpleasant.

So rather than pursue or seek happiness in your relationships, seek something more permanent that you can generate from within. This is called joy. It is a recipe for creating heaven in your home. When you have it, you can generate an atmosphere of happiness around no matter the circumstance you find yourself in. Joy can be found in your heart and can be within your control. It can serve as a catalyst for peace of mind in the midst of a storm. It is more reliable. This is what Sola and I seek to grow in and master everyday. This is why regardless of the other person, we can still be happy with, by and for ourselves.

We can only add to each other’s happiness but we cannot exclusively take the responsibility for making each other happy. No human has the capacity to make another human happy continuously. They can only add to it. We were not designed to take on that role. Only God can do that. That is why He gives joy. So let’s shift our focus from happiness and humans to joy and God.

Also, there is a certain kind of fulfilment that produces happiness. That fulfilment is also not what man can give, but one that we can personally or corporately generate by living purposefully. Daily living your life’s purpose produces a fulfilment that creates an atmosphere of happiness for you. You can also create that happiness by discovering the purpose of your marriage and living it out with your spouse.

I hope you see now why Sola and I do not seek happiness in our marriage. It is because we believe happiness should be a by-product and not the ultimate goal of our relationship. Seeking it would be misplacing our priorities. Rather than pursue it, we have chosen to grow in and master the joy that God has put in our hearts, as well as live our individual and marital purposes. Happiness is too small a goal to pursue. Our hearts burn with passion for the salvation of the world. Our burden is to transform cultures of the earth for good. We are committed to making humanity better.

This is how we generate happiness in our lives and in our home. We do not bother about it because we know it will, without fail, saturate our lives. This is intentional living. We are operating a law with predictable consequences. Why not raise the bar, step up and join us.

You are the best of your kind; you are the next big thing. Make it happen!

Chris Chukwunyere

 

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